Feel like screaming
It’s been one of those days, weeks, months, years.
I’m trying to move my business away from web design and toward pro photography. It’s a slow process, and while things are slow, I’m going out of my mind.
I hate being idle. And since I’m not busy I feel obligated to do all the housework while M is at work and I HATE THAT. I am no June Cleaver and don’t want to be.
On top of that, I set my mind to DOING the June Cleaver shit today and lo and behold, the dryer has decided to stop working so I sit and sit and sit and sit only to go unload the dryer and find it full of wet clothes.
It’s not enough that I’M TRYING to be productive! NoooOOOOooo.
I hate being idle. It’s not enough for me to have hobbies and projects and books to read. I need to be DOING something constructive, I need to be working. If I ever won the lottery I’d go nuts, I’d still have to work. I can’t stand being unproductive.
I’d go back to school but that was the worst nightmare of my life and anyway it’d get in the way of my business transition.
I’d go get a job but it’s hard to find good jobs in this town (M was lucky) and I don’t know if I can stomach reatil again. I did it for years. I’m sure I could find one, but I’d need part time so that I could still grow my business, and the “good” jobs are full time and require wardrobes. I need a jeans-and-polo-shirt kind of job, that’s part time. It’s a pipe dream.
I am angry today. Angry that I have nothing productive to do. Angry that I can’t even get the f*cking laundry done. It’s like a sick joke.