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WTF? I’m sitting here and my ankle is SO itchy it’s driving me nuts. After more than I can take I get up to go put itch cream on it and notice that it’s SWOLLEN! I have no idea why, I don’t see a bug bite. I took a photo of it and I seem to see a mark but I am pretty sure that’s a scar from a really bad mosquito bite. Ugh.

Don’t know if it happened when out walking the dog, sitting on the computer, or when I put my slippers on.  I don’t even know what caused it.  Itches don’t alarm me, but the swelling is unusal.  Oh well, I just hope it’s gone by morning.

My life must really be boring if this is blog-worthy.  *sigh*

Went to dr. today cuz I’ve had some dizziness. They think it was just a bug, I’m fine today.

I once saw a news story and they called them ear worms. When u get a song stuck in your head and can’t get it out; that’s an ear worm.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earworm

I’ve had Insomnia in spite of my sleeping pills (Lunesta). I recently made a realization. As i try to fall asleep, I’ll realize that I am drumming out the rythm of a song that is stuck in my head. It’s always one of the upbeat songs from the Katamari soundtrack. Katamari is video game and the music is sung in Japanese.

Last night I finally slept well. I took a benedryl on top of my lunesta (not sure that’s safe), and went to sleep with my iPod and turned on the track “Baby Sleep Now” which I had downloaded off iTunes (I think for free) when M. was snoring terribly and THAT was causing me not to sleep. See here:

I slept really well.

But when I get up for my 4th hour bathroom run, I realized that the damn Katamari music was in my head AGAIN. So I just made sure to put the muic on when I went back to bed. I slept great.

I was talking to my mom on the phone just now and as I was talking to her I realized something. I’ve had this happen before and it was when I was first getting into Indian music and I had found this really great albm (the Taal soundtrack by A.R. Rahman)….

… and the same thing happened then. I had the upbeat tracks in my head AT ALL TIMES. It’s like a subconcious obsession. So I made a connection in my head while talking to my Mom… I think it’s when there is music that is UPBEAT AND IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE that this happens- gets stuck in my head to the point where I can’t even sleep. I think what’s happeneing is that my brain is trying to make sense of what it’s hearing and it can’t cuz it’s in a language it doesn’t understand. So it goes over it over and over and over.  And it theoretically won’t ever stop until I learn what it’s SAYING. While talking to my mom about this I ALSO remembered that I tend to do this with English words that I hear for the first time and don’t know what they mean. For example, a multi-syllabled word like “copasetic”. When I first heard that word I didn’t know what it meant. And for days and days I was (without realizing it) saying it my head OVER AND OVER AND OVER. It didn’t stop until I figured out what the word meant.

I also do this with foriegn words. Like “Ahmadinejad“. I hear that name in the news all the time but I am not sure exactly what they are saying. So for days on end my brain is going “aba-jin-a-dad?” “aMA-jin-a-dad?” “ama-jin-a-BAD?” Until I can either figure out how to pronounce it. Until then, I CAN’T STOP repeating it over and over in my head, and it’s involuntary. It’s subconcious. It’s like a conversation going on in another room and you know they’re talking but only sometimes can you actualy hear the words.

So… The solution? Idunno. Right now I am listening to upbeat English music. This way if it’s in my head, my brain won’t obsess over it like it would if it didn’t understand the words.

So… Ear Worms. Do Ear Worms cause insomnia? It seems to, at least for me. I should look online and see how common this is.

I hate being sick.

I love these shoes:

Adidas “Adissage” for women or “Santiossage” for men. They massage your feet and make your feet feel like marshmallows. [Wait, I'm not sure what the difference is between "adissage" and "santiossage" now that I'm looking at online again. Hmmm.] [I think no difference when looking at the pix on amazon.com and looking at wikipedia... is there anything NOT on wikipedia?]
Thing is, my heel pain [my "plantars fascitis"] is flaring up on my right foot, and then last night I slammed the small of the tenderest part of my left foot into a very sharp desk edge, and now both feet hurt like hell. These are the only shoes I can wear. Usually New Balance sneakers are the only thing that helps my heel pain, but NOTHING, not even bare feet on carpet, feels ok… only wearing these. I wonder why. They LOOK like they’d aggitate the pain of the heel or new injury, but no. I feel NO pain when they are on. Maybe it’s pressure-point stuff, reflexology, who knows. I have pink and white ones and just ordered black and white ones so I can wear them to match anything.

I feel sick.  I’ve felt like shit for days.  But is that really new?  Kinda dizzy, mildly… lotsa sneezing, but it doesn’t feel like a  cold.  I took clariting and ever since I’ve felt worse as far as feeling run down and now I had a bit of nausia.  I’m going to go take a vitamin and go to bed. 

Being an insomniac is expensive.  The COPAY for my Lunesta ws $50!  *choke!*  THAT’LL give me sleepless nights!

I’ve been feeling like crap. Yesterday I had an apt. w/ an ENT (ear nose throat dr.) and it went very badly.

I’d had my sinuses numbed at an allergist’s office in ’97 and they used a gentle nasal spray and it was a cake walk.

But at the ENT’s office, they used a F*CKING PRESSURE HOSE and it was one of the most traumatic experiences ever.

It was so powerful… like an airbrush? Like an air house you use to fill up your tires at the gas station- or MORE powerful than that.

I wonder how it’s even SAFE.

F*ckers.

It was just violent, I felt violated, like was being raped via my nose. Then the chemicals (or the pressure) caused stars in my eyes, and then the chemicals ran down the back of my throat and made me want to vomit.

This caused me to cry, and I felt like a f*cking baby. This made a great first impression when the doctor walked in (the nurse did the nasal-f*ck.)

So he wants to to a CT scan of the sinuses and then most likely do a nose job to fix my “beyond deviated” septum, and then maybe sinus surgery as well.

I’ve never NEVER been in the hospital or had surgery. I’ve never been in that submissive situation, and I’m not sure I want to do it.

I am doing all this cuz I can’t breathe well through my nose when I sleep, and my nose runs ALL DAY. Maybe I’d be better off just skipping all this SHIT and buying stock in Kleenex.

I feel like I’m sick w/ a cold; run down, nose is worse than ever. I guess that nasal f*ck losened a bunch of stuff up in my sinuses. Or maybe it’s just the stress.

My mom almost choked to death in a cat scan once; she was vomiting w/ her head strapped down and she was struggling and they kept yelling “hold still!” while she slowly chocked and blacked out from the vomit-choke.

I’m SO not up to this. I’m inclined to just skip it all.

We had steak two nights in a row… now I have the “meat sweats” and am so hot. Now tomorrow I have a doctor’s appt and you know my bp will be high, that and coffee and diet coke two days in a row. Last time I was there my dr. told me that caffiene has a HALF LIFE of 10 hours! Yikes.

Back out of bed. M’s snoring is so bad that even w/ earplugs and a pillow against my head I can’t sleep. Plus my mind goes 800mph as I lay there. I’m back out of bed at 3:47am and downloading a “sleep therapy” album off iTunes to listen to on repeat on my iPod w/ comfy Koss The Plug earbuds in. I may get noise-cancelling headphones, but they are pricey and bulky, not sure how I’d sleep w/ them on. You never know w/ me; I sleep best on the couch w/ my head on the arm rest on my back, so what seems uncomfortable at first may very well suit me. :\

I feel better after having slept half the day away. Most of my dizziness is even gone. It’s almost all gone, yay!

Sometimes when I sneeze it smells funny.

I feel sick. If I don’t get enough sleep I feel nausiated. Went to bed at a better time, laid awake for almost an hour even w/ sleeping pills, M snores terribly, the animals come to life (and get rambunctious) at 6:30am even on weekends. I feel sick, only on a few hours sleep. I want to retch.

Finally feeling better. No dizziness, no vertigo. But really tired. Not sure how much of this tiredness is new though.

Finally someone published a decent book on hypoglycemia, and it’s really nice to read in print all the symptoms that I have. It’s like I’m vindicated, like yay, it’s not in my head. The cravings, the waking up exhausted, the constant fatigue, the peak of energy late at night. There’s actually a REASON for why I am the way I am!

By the way, how the FRICK did it get to be 3:30 AM?!?!?

I think the dizziness/vertigo is all gone. But I’m just so tired. I feel a little bit weak, like I worked out really hard using weights yesterday, especially my legs… but I didn’t. So tired.

My dizziness (or “vertigo” as the dr. called it) is much better today. Then M and I laid down for a nap at 3:30 and he slept till 7pm and I slept till 8! Now he’s sniffling and has a tingling in his nose like he gets before a cold. I don’t think I moved at ALL during my long nap and now my back hurts. I’m a mess.

Still sick. Woke up still extremely dizzy. Went to walk-in clinic and they said it was ‘benign directional vertigo’ and that it’s not viral cuz I don’t have a fever… but the nurse said that I did have a fever so who knows. They gave me something for the vertigo and said to take it easy for 2-3 days. I felt alot better in the afternoon from being so still for hours waiting at the clinic. Then we went to lunch, got the perscription filled, and now I’m back to living on the couch watching Tivo. *sigh* The room is spinning, the world is spinning.

My appointment to meet w/ a lady from “the u.c.” today got cancelled so I had the day to myself. (u.c.= unitarian church) I went and got some clothes, had subway for lunch (trying to eat better), and hit the gym. I’m SO totally worn out from the gym, I missed it for entire week and now I’m beat, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.

Tomorrow I go to the dr and he’s going to kick my ass… no he’s not, he’s so nice. But I dread it cuz I’m not taking care of myself. The anti-depressants are supposed to help my compulsive binge eating but they’re not (or I’m just so f*cked up in the head I binge in spite of them). If I don’t watch it I’m going to end up a fat *ss. A year ago he gave me papers to go get a blood sugar test, one of those where you fast and then they feed you this sugar solution and then test your blood at intervals. But I’m so afraid I’m going to pass out that I haven’t done it. You sit in the waiting room w/ all the creepy-looking construction workers and migrant workers who are there for their employment drug tests, so I don’t want to be alone in that room if/when I pass out. Plus, my hypoglycemic episodes are SO bad, especially lately, that I’m just plain scared. They’ve been worse lately. I’m just too scared to do the test. So if I mention that the episodes are worse he’ll order the test again and I don’t want to do it.

But if I just eat right, not binge on sugar, and not eat refined flour by itself (cereal, bread, bagels, donuts, etc.) then I’m usually ok. If I just eat smart I should be ok.

idunno.

I know I’ve mostly been posting links rather than talking about me, what’s going on, my thoughts, etc.

Not much is really new… and sometimes I go thru phases where I just don’t feel like “sharing”. Like “nothing bloggable happened today” or whatever, or that what I have to say about my thoughts is too long and involved and I just don’t feel like writing it.

Today?

Well right now I have awful digestive problems and I feel queasy. I’m on pepto and immodium, and not sure if a sleeping pill is a good idea on top of that.

I feel just crappy.

Today I… listened to twit, surfed,

—

[the next day]

I stopped mid-post to go to the bathroom, then lay on the couch, the floor, then went to bed and for over an hour was in and out of the bathroom all night w/ such terrible stuff I can’t even write it here.

Now I’m dehydrated and dizzy as hell.

WTF is wrong with me. I’m so dizzy, whooooooooooooooooo…

OMFFFFG I just bit my cheek so hard it CRUNCHED! And it’s bleeding. AND it’s in the same spot that I keep biting. I’m going to get cheek-cancer there if I keep doing this. I HAVE to get braces, geezus.

I’ve GOT to start getting a more ‘normal’ sleep/wake schedule going. My counselor, back when I was still seeing her, told me not to feel guilty for being a night owl, that I shouldn’t feel “abnormal” especially if I was getting enough sleep.

But lately my sleep patterns aren’t even normal for ME. I mean, I used to stay up ’till 1-ish on weekdays. But it’s been more like 3 lately, and then last night I was up ’till 3, took a sleeping pill at 3, went to bed at 3:30, and laid awake until 4:30. Then of course I sleep the entire next day away.

I need to try this:
http://digg.com/links/How_To_Become_an_Early_Riser
Or try SOMEthing.

When I go to bed my mind is whizzing. Uh, Whirring, not peeing. It’s just going going going. Thinking about tech stuff, things I need to do tomorrow, family, you name it. My brain won’t stop. Maybe I need to meditate before bed, or get a calming cd to play when I lay down. Idunno.

Then again, I usually nap sometime during the day or evening, so I’m thinking that if I skip my nap and go to bed early, I can start a new pattern. I like staying up late, but I hate wasting my day even more than that.

Well I’m still sick goddamnit. Usually by day 4 my cold is on it’s way out. Nope. I’m WORSE. I went to the doctor and among other “itis”es I have bronchitis, AGAIN. Almost every cold I ever gets ends up in bronchitis. I have such a long list of symptoms from headache to “can’t breathe” to sore throat and MUCH MORE.

I’m on tons of meds and basically feel like shit, feel like I’m drowning or smothering or both.

I’ve been told “no work, no computer work” but I can’t not SURF and BLOG! I’m supposed to be in bed or on the couch only for the next 3 days.

M’s going to have to do the laundry for me!

NOW starts the nasty part of the cold, the nose that won’t stop running, the clogged up sinues, the dizziness from full sinues, the sore nose from constant blowing. I hate this.

Yeah I’m sick. Couldn’t fight it off. Drowning in plegm. Can’t breathe. Rattling in my chest. I should be in bed, but when I lay down, it’s worse. So I’m trying to stay up.

That was weird.

I saw in the corner of my vision, this weird metallic multi-colored thing which I’ve had before, an “optical migraine”. Then right after that, I got REALLY nausiated. Right afterward, I felt crappy and tired and sweaty. A typical migrained. But this lasted all of 120 seconds! Too weird.

Whoo hoo and now I get to go to yet another bored meeeting which will probably be even more heated than the last one.